it's finally here....

that's right people, the third installment of heaping portion. this time we're trying something different by incorporating shabbat dinner right into the show. free admission with a $10 food minimum. you sit down, a waiter will take your order and we'll provide the entertainment. the torah portion is naso (or nasoh) or numbers for you christians out there. yours truly will be there, along with heather gold, gary shapiro, neal pollack, julie hermelin, bev and ronna, and music by rachel stolte and solon bixler of great northern. once again reboot will provide a complimentary copy of their magazine, guilt and pleasure quarterly, for you to love and enjoy. so see you june 9 at the m bar. doors open at 6:30, the show starts at 7!

Did You Know I was the Daughter of a Princess?

I am! My mom, Elaine Soloway, just published her new book, The Division Street Princess. It is available for purchase on Amazon TODAY!!!!
Right here!

The Division Street Princess is set on Division Street in Chicago, long before it was trendy and smack in the middle of when it was a post-shtetl urban jew 'hood. My mama's book takes you right there, to the center of it all. Her book is so beautifully written, with every little detail perfectly captured... the cigar smoke, the chicken fat, the scratchy radio, the uncles named Hy and Nate, the various Minnies and Roses and front stoops and dangerous Italian boys...

Speaking of mamas, have you ever thought, I wish I could get my mom a book like Jill's, except for the fact that my mom thinks it's very, very rude to discuss bowel movements in public? Worry not. Forget that last minute phone call the Friday before mom's day to your sister saying HAVE YOU GOTTEN ANYTHING YET???!!!! You are but
One-Click away from successfully completing all of your Mother's Day obligations. And most importantly, at the moment, my mother's Amazon ranking is nearly 100,000 better than mine, so, in the spirit of Mother Love, let's keep it that way.

I loved her book, and I can't wait to hear what you think of it.

mosiach now!

could you imagine a jewish american idol? It's the first step to a jewish president, which is the first step to a woman president, which is the only way to worldwide peace, in short!

Anyone--- either tell EVERY JEW YOU KNOW or keep it to yourself and don't tell a soul, still not sure what would work best. I have it on authority (his mom) that Elliot Yamin is indeed a Jew. I was at the results show and we asked her and she said that yes, yes, yes, they are o' le tribe.



He almost got kicked off last week so next Tuesday start your Pesach season right by voting voting voting for Elliot Elliot Elliot.

jesus it's fun to be jewish again

the evidence: today's NY Times. I'm riding the Zeitgeist, baby, as proven by heaping portions. Plus, this coming Thursday night, April 6th, at 9:30 Ronna and Bev host the Passover themed Kosher Comedy and I do some stand up that's way too Jewy for the goyim. JEWS ONLY!!!!!

For non-Jews, or people who wanna see something else first, there's Sit n' Spin at the Comedy Central Stage at 8pm, with the usual Bungalow after, which I plan to get to late after the UCB show. This show features the particularly insane Davis McHenry in a rare performance, plus other guests: rick overton, bill rutkoski, vance degeneres and tom saunders. See the boys at sit n spin, the girls at UCB. For sns rezzies-- the show is incredibly free-- call 323-960-5519.

PRO-ANA ONLY!!!

From now on this blog will be pro-ana only. No normals or pro-mias will be tolerated.

So far today I've eaten three skittles, a bowl of Good Friends cereal, leftover cornbread and 1/4 of a cantelopue, balled.

Come to think of it, I'll start being pro-ana tomorrow and stay like I am for the rest of the day.

Maybe I'll put this obsessive energy towards something worthwhile. Like a pilot idea! Pilot season's not over yet! It's called Pro-Ana Frank and it's about a girl in Nazi germany who escapes from her attic and time travels to modern Westlake Village where she starves herself before Spring Break Aruba so she can be the very first one of all of her friends to get raped and murdered this year! Then when she gets to heaven she's reunited with her Bubbie who was killed in the camps, so it's actually a happy story. If any network execs are reading this I know it's just a start but I'm about to take a bong hit so I should have the rest by mid-day.

I just am not sure

how to post both photos and text. I use to know how, but now Blogger is stymie-ing my efforts.

The below artwork is for Heaping Portion 2, a verrrry irreverent take on the torah portion o' the week, which is called Vayikra. Heaping Portion is for anyone who has found the bible tedious but who wishes to see brilliant, funny and interesting people interpret it. If you've been to sit and spin, it's sort of like shabbat n' spin. Sit n' spin, only jewier. Will a theme emerge? will you feel the presence of god herself? Probably not. But you will be wildly entertained and there will be a food-centered gathering afterwards. At the Improv Olympic this time instead of the UCB, due to the fracas of last time....

COME AND SEE...

rose of no man's land

is the name of a book by michelle tea. I just finished reading Chelsea Whistle. Just go to Amazon and buy every single thing by her, ever.

an artist i like

is seonna hong. this is her stuff.

to all 2 people who read my blog, I am sorry I have been gone and quite busy lately consulting on Sarah Silverman's new show for Comedy Central. The world will be forever changed when it comes out of your television boxes. that much I know.

to all people who live in Los Angeles, I will be performing Saturday, March 4th at Afterbirth at M-Bar. It's produced by Dani Klein and the info is thusly:


AFTERBIRTH...
stories you won't read in Parents magazine

starring:

Greg Fitzsimmons
Emmy winning writer/producer "The Ellen Show"

Jill Soloway
writer "Six Feet Under", author "Tiny Ladies in Shiny Pants"

Hutch Foster
"Love! Valour! Compassion!"

Stephanie Wilder
author "Sippy Cups Are Not For Chardonnay"

Kathryn Grody
Law & Order:Criminal Intent

and

RENO
"Kinsey", "The Manchurian Candidate"

Saturday, March 4, 06
Mbar, 1235 N. Vine
(crnr of Vine and Fountain nr El Floridita)
Doors open at 6:30
Show starts 7:30ish
$10 with dinner reservation, $15 at the door
323-856-0036 to guarantee a seat

so come to it....

more stuff that doesn't work

like my indian guys below. I wanted you to go there and I wanted you to link there but I couldn't. So just go to www.video.google.com and type in curry-n-rice girl and then you can see the thing i wanted you to see. okee doke.

i like these crazy indians

this is the link to it...

lesbian hairstyles

This is a photograph of a lesbian. This is not a picture of my sister Faith. But this is a link to something my sis, rock opera creator Faith Soloway, did on stage in Boston a few years ago. I love it so much. It makes me laugh, yes it do. When I was writing this post the link wouldn't work so if it doesn't, go to www.faithsoloway.com and go to the Jesus Has Two Mommies thingy, then click on media, then pick mp3 files, and choose a song called Lesbian Hairstyles. As long as that takes, it's still better than going out and seeing Failure to Launch. Plus maybe, after you have done all that, you can come back here and I will have figured out how to link right.

MAN COUGHS UP 40-YEAR OLD NAIL

That has nothing to do with this but I found it particularly eye-catching as one of the revolving headlines when I turned on my AOL this morning. Hopefully it caught your eye as well.

Art is ready. Link is ready. Let's all buy our tickets to: The Soloway Sisters Do Joe's Pub (I guess it has another name but I forget what it is) in NY on March 16th! Me and my sis! Together again, hosting even. Make it a March 16th to remember.

remember when we all had blogs?

I think that's what we're gonna be saying in about 2008.

Now comes the time for more shameless self-promotion and show-shilling. This one is a bit like a dream come true show, hosted by my sister Faith and me, with special guests including Jessi Klein who I love love love and Jessica Chaffin and Jamie Denbo as Beverly and Ronna, who you saw if you came to Heaping Portion.

Jews Who Fight is a performance to showcase Reboot's magazine Guilt and Pleasure, a literary journal of sorts put together by the brilliant and beautiful Canadian, Mirelle Silicoff.

It's goin' down at 7pm on Thursday March 16th at Joe's Pub at the Public Theater in NY, so if you have friends out there, direct them to this
link immediately so that they might purchase tickets.

how did the world get along before I blogged?

I love this man more than he knows. I will go to see him wednesday night at skylight. maybe you will too. he will be at a few other places while he is here in LA as well

Feb. 15- 7:30 – LOS ANGELES, CA, Skylight Books, 1818 North Vermont Ave., Los Feliz

Feb. 16, 7:00 – PASADENA, CA, Vroman’s Bookstores, 695 East Colorado Blvd.

Feb. 21, 7:30 – LOS ANGELES, CA, 826LA, Sparc Building, 685 Venice Blvd., Venice, $20 (all proceeds go to 826LA the tutoring center started by Dave Eggers). For more details to: http://www.826la.com/

we like girls like us part two

today's post is a whoopeee wahoo yessiree yay go to a woman I love who is working with another woman i love. the first lady of whom I speak is sera gamble.

she is a friend from forever ago who clearly has fantastic eyebrows. She currently writes on the WB(nee CW) show Supernatural, but has a whole other career as a writer-writer. She has written a dirty short story about a girl making a golem. sSusie bright went and found it and put it in her latest book, Best American Erotica, which is now OUT and available to buy.

As you know we love susie, and we love sera (she and her writing partner raelle tucker who I also looove were in the very first box and blow shows-- which were the precoursers to sit and spin), and o' course we love BAE (it published Courtney Cox's Asshole lo so many years ago). So share the love and buy the book.

And then, when you're done looking at susie's interview with Sera and buying the book, go and see The Sera's website.

nothing

much to say, just getting ready for le heaping portion show tonight. berry excited. tomorrow night the writing staff of six feet under is nominated for a writer's guild award so there's that coming up too. maybe we will win. probably we will not. we usually don't win. in the meantime here is a photo I just love. it's of my mom, my cousin and my grandpa. i feel that it sums up some very essential emotion from my childhood.

also, funniest thing ever

not to take anything away from anyone who wants to take a cross country flight of fancy as you've been instructed in my previous post, but I just got this in my email and it must be shared because it is so gosh darn adorable...

there is a boy in bosnia

whose name is alexander, which you would know if you were one of the ten people who've been reading the comment section since I started blogging. alexander has written a tribute story to courtney cox's asshole which is much, much better than my original. he has secretly and stealthily linked to it for your reading pleasure in one of said comment sections, but i will hereby openly link to it so that everyone can catch a whiff of a little alexander for themselves...

the show appears to

be sold out-- heaping portion that is-- so now I will permanently move on. Today I wax poetic about a performer I saw last week at UCB. I really can't say enough about how blown away I was by the brilliance of this lauren weedman girl. A lot of it is said in her website. The show I saw, Wreckage, just closed, but there will be more of her. Anytime, anywhere this girl is performing go and see her and love her up. She rocks like crazy.